How To God

How

          I have been posed this question many times, how do I get to know God?  What do I do first and how did you do it?  For me it was more out of necessity than anything else.  On and off for many years is the best way to describe my relationship with God.  Rocky at best and desperate at worst are also accurate descriptions of He and I.  Hey, it’s what life taught me, and He knew that as well and any of you who know me can attest to this.  In my teens I jumped head first into spirituality, searching for any clues that He did exist.  Spirituality did as it was supposed to (at the time) let me down in the worse way and religion was no different.  There were months and even years in which I had been extremely thorough, in my deliberate act of telling God ‘get out of my life.’  He laughed and…okay He didn’t laugh but for years I thought He did.  Just another form of denial I came to understand early on in the wee hours and quiet moments I spent with Them (the Trinity).  I had also been confidently inconsistent in my listening it was a side effect of a sin existence. Easily I spent my days straight up avoiding shameful, profoundly embarrassing, contact with the Almighty.  It was after all, my right, ugh.  My life was a shambles and I didn’t want to be reminded of it, especially not by some finger pointing self sanctimonious got-goder!  Let’s face it the bible-belt is full of them myself included.  Hypocrisy had me by the throat and wasn’t about to let go.  Funny how I had spent the greater part of my existence looking for Him and when He finally called me I said…uh… no! Nonetheless, He called me.  “Get up Laura.”  For three weeks I heard this gentle calling and each time I would roll over, look at the clock and say ‘you’ve got to be kidding it’s four o’clock in the morning’ and quietly I would resume my slumber.  I have to say though after a couple weeks of this I began to feel an ever-present anxiousness that would not leave.  The fourth week was the breaking point because I woke wide awake again at four AM. No going back to sleep this time, I mean fully awake.  Resentfully I got up, mentally stomped downstairs, made coffee and sat in what would soon become my God chair.  While the first week was rather quiet because I was a brat, I did become oddly thankful for the peace and quiet the early morning hour offered my crazy life.  I believe my first out loud verbal contact was ‘ok I’m here God who are you and who am I in that relationship.’  His response was immediate.  “I’m your Father and you my beloved child.”  Not a booming voice from the heavens, not a confusing, could be my voice from within either.  God’s voice and it was as clear as the morning sun and I cried like a baby.